Journals and Wardrobe Commentary October 2025

It’s mid-October in Austin TX, and it’s as hot as the average summer day in Virginia. I’m writing and compiling articles documenting the creation of an ideal wardrobe and what becomes of that. I have a long history of writing about this matter which spans hundreds of miles between. Many articles will be revisions of the past, focusing on what is constant through the years and distance. Articles on Wardrobe theory shall arise as they do, in order of my attention and natural flow.   

There is an intellectual curiosity I hope to satiate throughout this process. The progression of these early documents will prove that I am gathering information on the history and technology of clothing manufacturing. I believe the constant development of Wardrobe from primitive to modern goes hand in hand with human technology. I will search for coincidental advancements in clothing manufacturing processes with a broad range of industries. I imagine that the need for wardrobe has had a profound impact on mankind. I believe that it symbolizes and enables our incredible perseverance which has led to so many diverse forms of creation.

This morning (Oct. 9), I’m sitting at a coffee shop downtown. Today, I feel strong resentment towards Austin and my life here in the same ways I did in Virginia. All the reasons I found myself packing my car and running away followed me here. With less stuff, I feel just as weighed down as ever. It’s been a slow burn that kicks up flames occasionally, and I wonder if I will catch on fire or walk on embers? There are so many distractions here that moments of clarity are quickly swallowed by smoke. It’s a waste to hate the past and yearn to be different. Limerence and nostalgia are diseases. I don’t want to spend my life running anymore. Fortunately, I still have absolute conviction and belief in the reasons I came here to begin with. Wardrobe is a top priority in becoming who I am. This is a long-term obsession to end my chronic depression.

I’m in the workshop the next night (Oct. 10). This is one of the greatest features of Austin, a place I started coming immediately upon arriving in Austin, which doesn’t seem that long ago in this moment. That’s probably because I haven’t spent a lot of time here, maybe 50 hours at most over the last 8 months, so it still feels like a fresh space. Many of those hours were spent in bad moods, brink of tears and often crying. I would come here the most when I was going through the worst times. I accomplished a lot out of that pain and have returned for the first time in over a month. Before that, I was very seldom coming as I was being sucked into the drug vortex. Now, more than a month and over 3000 miles later, I have returned with a new desire and motivation.

Today is October 30, I’m in one of those garage-style coffee shops which is kind of characteristic for this part of south Austin. I like this place; it doesn’t have a great view like being downtown, but the garage is open since the weather finally permits. There is a cold front coming through central Texas, and in Austin a sharp breeze. It keeps me grounded as I try to harness the anxiety from my coffee. Anyway, I went thrifting a few weeks ago and found some things that have come in handy as the temperature drops. I will keep thrifting, make it a part of my routine after work or on the weekends. I am optimistic though continually frustrated with a  lack of forward movement. I’m changing my method for writing articles by focusing on curating galleries of sketchbook scans and photos of wardrobe. This directs my energies much better.

Today is November 8 2025, I'm in the workshop. October was filled with more new experiences. I found myself at a drag show on the 20th of October by following my own whim on 4th street. Amongst gay men, insecurity and restraint fall away. In a dark laser lit room, prosthetic body parts and fashion choices that abandon all reason, a person disappears in a theater of sex and self expression. No longer limited by the confines of what they were born as. After all these months, I am settling into a scene, finally.

Today is November 14, I’m back in the workshop and sober after a few days of excessive consumption of substance. If there is anything these days teach me is that I have so much passion and desire to manifest an emergent image of wardrobe, it is greater than any craving to get high or self-destruct. Tonight is important because I am going to finalize Arabella’s input on my wardrobe. I want to spend the next few hours considering her place in my mind, and how she will live through my clothes. This was one of the most pivotal eras of my life when I realized my work would define my identity, and now it is coming to fruition.

I will know that I have done right by Arabella when the following conditions are met:

I am certain I have included all relevant pages to wardrobe and fabric creation within the articles. (as well as collected thoughts from 2022 about this book). There is precise documentation of all these pages, and their significance is explained as it relates to the category it belongs to. I did this a few days ago on the 8^th, im burnt out on checking and rechecking, it’s obsessive and not productive so Im choosing to move on regardless if I “missed something”.

I have interpreted the style she was trying to create and determined how it is going to be represented in my modern wardrobe and finalized the introduction to Arabella to include ending thoughts and overall impression of this project. I have finished that tonight and will add it to the intro now.

I feel pretty burnt out on Arabella, though there is still quite a bit of work to be done. She will rest for now, I will return when necessary.